What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 04:49
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She loved him until the end.
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
I have no regrets .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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Ive learnt so much.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why would Trump make conspiracy claims that Haitians are eating pets in Ohio?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do Republicans give permission to Democrats to vote for any candidate except for Kamala Harris?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My life is so biszare .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One cannot live in the past .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
He knew the spot.
All the time i was locked up.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Put me off passion for life!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were not on the streets..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Who then, do I blame.?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But, we were locked up after school.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My family never makes their pension either.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!